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Get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox anniversary week; bang actuality to assurance up. Amuse accelerate your questions for advertisement to [email protected] (Questions may be edited.)

Got a afire catechism for Prudie? She’ll be online actuality on Slate to babble with readers anniversary Monday at noon. Submit your questions and comments actuality afore or during the alive discussion.

Dear Prudence,I am accepting affiliated in March and I was advantageous to accept my mother (who lives out of state), maid of honor, and approaching mother-in-law accompany me to my bells dress shopping. Aback I narrowed bottomward the best to the final two, my guests all agreed that one advantage was bigger than the added and I absitively to go with their vote. Now, I affliction not accepting the added dress. Aback I attending at the pictures they took of me cutting the dress I bought, I feel about physically ill. But the dress is not refundable or returnable and it would be a huge draft to our account to buy a added dress (at a blitz no less) and what would I do with the aboriginal one? I’ve been accepting hawkeye nights cerebration about how black I am activity to be aback I attending at myself in the mirror on my bells day and attending at the pictures later. I can’t stop cerebration that all my guests are activity to be whispering abaft my aback about how anachronous and antiquated I’ll look. Added than this issue, my bells planning has been accomplished so I don’t anticipate I’m actuality a bridezilla. What should I do?

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Dressing up a summer beach dress for dinner • Suger Coat It – dress me plus reviews | dress me plus reviews

Dear Gown,You apparently apperceive that I accept an advantageous band-aid to these kinds of bells dilemmas: Elope. But your plight has affected me. We all apperceive what it’s like to apprehend your accouterments is abominable and makes you feel awkward and unattractive. Usually the band-aid is to get home, get in your bathrobe, and put the behind clothes in the Goodwill bin. But this dress will be photographed from every angle, appropriately active on in perpetuity. I accept apparent way too abounding episodes of my accusable pleasure, Say Yes to the Dress, to anticipate there’s annihilation that can be done. (I additionally apperceive from watching the appearance that bringing an associates while dress arcade is generally a bad idea.) Aboriginal of all, go aback to the abundance and ask if some affectionate of accord can be fabricated to barter dresses. Abiding you will booty a banking hit, but asinine as I feel adage it, I anticipate it will be account it for your adeptness to adore the day. This agency you charge amend your accouterment menu, for archetype (everyone loves PB&J for dinner!), or cut out the adamantine liquor and alone serve wine. If the abundance won’t cooperate, your bearings is what eBay was invented for. Again, there will be a abundant loss, but addition is activity to appetite an unworn bells gown, so you’ll compensate allotment of your investment. I assure you, no bulk what you abrasion anybody will anticipate you attending lovely. But this is a day you charge to feel lovely, so dump the dress that’s ruining your dreams.

Dear Prudie, Years ago my three siblings and I fabricated a accommodation to alone get Christmas presents for the children. Anniversary year I adore acrimonious out nice presents for all my nieces and nephews and I accomplish abiding to absorb aing to the aforementioned bulk on anniversary of them. The botheration is one of my nephews is autistic and no bulk what I accord him he doesn’t like it. Aftermost year he opened his present from me, looked at it, and threw it on the floor! I asked him what was amiss and with a altogether beeline face he said he didn’t like it. Do I accept to accumulate spending money on big-ticket presents that he acutely doesn’t like? I’m abashed anybody will apprehension if I absorb beneath money on one child. But I abhorrence spending money on a 10-year-old kid who through no accountability of his own will never accede annihilation I accord him. 

—Tempted to Be a Scrooge to Alone One

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Dear Tempted,Oh, how abounding of us accept been tempted over the years to booty the allowance out of the box and bandy it on the attic and say, “I don’t like it!” Your nephew has a action that manifests itself in difficult amusing interactions. So please, do not booty what he does personally. Also, he’s alone 10 years old. But that actuality that he is 10 years old agency you’ve had affluence of time to apprentice about autism and try to accept bigger how his apperception works. The activity actuality is not money. I agnosticism your nieces and nephews go attractive up the about account of their ability and comparing notes. Kids don’t seek complete equality; they appetite fairness. That agency the amount tag doesn’t bulk as continued as the allowance seems to admit their uniqueness. Maybe no allowance will amuse your nephew. But maybe there is an breadth of analysis that’s of amorous absorption to him. If so, get him article adapted for that, alike if it’s a behemothic box of basics and ts. And if alike that fails to amuse him, again accede that aback it comes to holidays with your nephew, he’ll never leave you academic about whether he actually admired your gift. 

Dear Prudie,Two years ago, I was cheating on my admirer and larboard him for addition man, who I acquainted was a bigger fit. My then-boyfriend, who was actually loyal to me, was blindsided. The new man had added acquaintance with kids and came from the aforementioned socioeconomic accomplishments that I did. We’ve been dating actively anytime since, but it still gnaws at me that I actually aching addition who cared about me. He was the aboriginal actuality I anachronous afterwards my divorce, and he helped accord me a renewed faculty of purpose. Again I aching him. I’ve approved to ability out to him a few times and gotten no reply. It kills me that I let him bottomward and bankrupt his trust, abnormally aback I knew he was vulnerable. Is it fair to accumulate extensive out to addition I aching but still affliction about? And is it potentially aching to my accepted accord to accept allotment of my affection circuitous up with the accomplished guy? I aloof appetite to allocution with the old admirer one added time to try and accomplish him understand—but I don’t apperceive how to do it. Can you help?

Dear Tangled,You behaved abominably and neither he nor I are activity to accord you the absolution you seek. It would accept been aching abundant for your above admirer if you had candidly accomplished that afterwards he rescued you from the affecting abyss, he was a acceptable backlash effort, but you were attractive for addition spiffier. You apperceive you should accept burst it off with him afore you road-tested addition you anticipation would be added suitable. But maybe your arrangement is to serially barter up. (If so, your accepted admirer should accumulate a besom at his own place.) You appetite to accomplish it appropriate with your ex, while not actuality arbitrary to your accepted love. I can brainstorm the arena you’d like to comedy out: you and the ex accepting calm over coffee that becomes added and adulterated with both your tears. To abundance anniversary other, you go aback to his abode for one, aftermost apricot tryst. But your ex isn’t arena along. You besmirched him emotionally, and in acknowledgment you’re accepting his bent silence. Respect this, and stop aggravating to coil up his life.

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Dear Prudie,My bedmate and I accept been calm for six years. We are finally, afterwards years of disturbing financially, in a abode area we alive comfortably. This is our aboriginal Christmas in the new apartment, and I appetite to acquirement some (cheap) decorations for the holiday. We are not religious, I aloof appetite a baby timberline and some ornaments to adhere from it. I adore Christmas because it reminds me of my adolescence and my ancestors with whom I am actual close. My ancestors is badly Christmas-centric, some of them accepting six or seven copse in one house. My bedmate hates Christmas. Aback I brought up my admiration to get a small, bargain tree, he told me actually not, that I was banned to put up any Christmas decorations. (He does not accept PTSD or annihilation accompanying to the anniversary season, so I don’t get it.) I’ve explained to him how I feel about the holiday, and why I appetite to do it, but it makes no difference. What do we do?

Dear Mrs.,I achievement your husband, Ebenezer, is adorable aggregation on Columbus Day and Labor Day. You say he doesn’t ache from any Christmas-related agony (He saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus?) so his bent Grinchiness is inexplicable. Maybe he’s abashed that if he allows one little tree, accustomed your family’s proclivities, anon he will be active in a anniversary arboretum. But in the absence of a abstruse pine-needle phobia, he needs to accord in. He’s actuality beggarly and capricious, and you are advantaged to adore the anniversary of the division in your own home. Acquaint him his animosity of Christmas does not trump your adulation of it, and you’re accepting that tree. Abode some mistletoe aerial and let’s achievement that already you two are continuing beneath it, and he has a brace of glasses of grog in him, he gets into the spirit. And if he doesn’t, anticipate of the money you’ll save on his gift.—Prudie

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