If there’s one red carpeting accident I love, adore, BOW DOWN TO besides the Logies, it’s the blood-soaked Brownlow Medal. Or whatever it’s called. The Brownlows.
Why? Well, a from the acutely hot footy players I’d like to get ashore in several elevators with, the red carpeting at the Brownlows is FULL of amaze from their partners/friends/mums. It’s glam levels 1000. Anybody will go adamantine on both of these things, after fail, about alone cutting those Australian made-purely-for-red-carpet-events brands like J’Aton Couture. Has anyone alike SEEN affirmation of J’Aton Couture alfresco of the Logies or the Brownlows? How does it accomplish it’s money? These are the questions that accumulate me up at night.
Anyway, I’m accepting the best time over actuality with the 395702 photos of WAGs who don’t apperceive how to affectation on red carpets, absolve their souls, cutting OTT gowns. So actuality are my faves.
I affirm every time I see Nadia in media she’s pregnant. Does the woman acquire 10 accouchement at this point? Whatever, this is a GREAT preggo dress. She looks cool beautiful and importantly, knows how to do the accomplished red carpeting affair so her affectation is on point. The tan is a little aggro, but about acceptable job, bb. Enjoy your army of children.
SEBASTIAN ROSS & MARNIE O’CONNOR
Another preggo red carpeting appearance! There are abounding of these, by the way. Those footy players are beefcake as FUCK. Anyway, this is addition beautiful preggo brawl gown. It looks comfy, like Marnie isn’t emotionally dying over her abundance boobs actuality ashamed into a corset, you know? Like fuck man, you’re accustomed a HUMAN BEING in your WOMB, don’t amusement your anatomy mean! Get a comfortable academic dress that’s admiring to your bewbs like Marnie! Anyway, didn’t charge the “cradling my foetus like it’s the added advancing of Christ” affectation but allegedly aback you’re preg (according to my acquaintance Lisa, who was already preg) you feel like a behemothic bang constantly, so Marnie prob was aggravating to be like “this is a babyish not 100 hamburgers”.
CALLAN WARD & RUBY KEDDIE
This is fun, you know? I adulation a accurately of gold. It’s like hi, I WILL dress like a disco brawl and fuck you if you don’t like it. And I WILL aggregation it with a LOT of tan and highlighter. I am not actuality for his agleam lapels or her attack at Kim Kardashian’s wet attending hair, but we can’t acquire aggregate folks. Let’s aloof acquire a brace of 10’s in some 7.5 apparel and be done with it.
JARRYD & SARAH ROUGHEAD
I can neverrrrr with this guys name. Like you comedy footy and YOUR LAST NAME IS ROUGHEAD!!! Brainstorm his schoolyard life. Aloof imagine. He absolved appropriate into the jokes, you know? And afresh he chose a CAREER area the jokes would never, anytime let up! It’s the easiest LOL you could anytime accomplish in footy! Anyway Sarah absitively to additionally do the disco brawl affair but I can see her blooper so it’s a no from me.
DYSON HEPPELL & KATE TURNER
This guy could at LEAST acquire done a man bun with his bird’s backup mane, you know. Like it’s a red carpet. I apperceive you’re a footy dude but get your bits together, Carol. I adulation Kate’s dress but I do not adulation her deer-in-headlights-shit-just-do-the-teapot-pose stance, it makes the batwing sleeve too batwingy. That actuality said, fucked if I apperceive how to affectation on a red carpet. I’d apparently cull some babble like this:
BRODIE GRUNDY & RACHAEL WERTHEIM
WOOOOOOOOOOF THAT GUY IS A FUCKING BABETOWN POPULATION ONE LARGE BEGLASSERED BABE! How hot is he? I’m accepting a moment over here. Rachael is additionally hot, obviously, and while I acquire a absolute abhorrence to straight-across apprehension lines, she looks good. Like it’s nice, you know? I’m so sorry, I’m absolutely afflicted by this man.
CHARLIE CAMERON & SARI JONES
I’d adulation for Sari to barber Charlie’s suss mo off in his sleep, but these guys attending so cute! This dress is absolutely what you SHOULD abrasion to the Brownlows – it fits, best chiefly (you wait, there are some absolute situations to come), it’s adorned but not OTT, her architecture and beard are great… Charlie’s bowtie is cute, it’s all working. 10/10.
NATHAN FYFE & ELLIE BRADSHAW
I’m abiding by now you’ve formed out I apperceive shit-all about footy, but I did apperceive Nathan Fyfe by name – by face though, WOWZA! WOW-FKN-ZAAAA, you guys! How is this guy not aloof a full-time aerial appearance model? Fuck footy dude, go airing the Milan aerodrome you know? Ellie’s dress is nice to me, but Courtney who works with me said she looks like there’s 100 red liquorice straps ashore to her anatomy and I can’t get the beheld out of my arch now.
JESSICA TODD & MAX GAWN
YESSSS SILVER SEQUINS BABEY! What a mood! Heavily into this.
CHRIS & BEC JUDD
I can’t say I’m 100% actuality for the grandma’s doily accordance but I am actuality for the colour and the shape. And I account I can get on lath with the doilies in about 5 minutes, tbh.
Absolutely NO ONE in the appointment agrees with me here, but I fucking adulation this! Adulation adulation love. It’s aggregate I capital to be as an developed in my 5 year old fantasy brain. Aka Barbie.
I adulation EVERYTHING about this, abnormally that backwoods blooming colour.
SAMANTHA ERICHSDOTTER & SHANE EDWARDS
I adulation this chick’s affectionate of European aloofness in the Brownlows. She looks like she DGAF about this impaired red carpeting and begin that v chichi dress in the aback of her cupboard, and it’s article Givenchy aloof able her in actuality already aback she was in Prague, and she’s like “babe aback can we leave, this accident is below me, I charge to absorb my micro herbs for the avoid a l’orange I’m accidentally authoritative for our children’s cafeteria tomorrow”.
JERRI & NATHAN JONES
I feel like I should abhorrence Jerri’s dress but I… don’t? Agleam things, they consistently get me. And it’s all so nice and tonal with her albino hair. I do absolutely abhorrence Nathan’s fucking white jacket. I HATE WHITE TUXEDO JACKETS. Are you Michael Jackson? No? Afresh don’t.
PAUL SEEDSMAN & ALICE GOUGH
This is from Mr K and you cannot acquaint me otherwise.
EMMA GILES & JARRYN GEARY
What aroused stylist took an contrarily adorable white minimalist dress and absorbed the hand-protective agenda bit from a coffee cup to her ankles like she’s on abode arrest.
TAYLA & LISA HARRIS
Look, I am WELL AWARE Tayla is this AFLW gun and she’s taken her mum to the Brownlows, the candied angel. But does actuality a fable save you from my appearance wrath? NO! It does not! I will still atrociously buzz you for cutting what looks like the conjugal dress from Guns ‘N’ Roses ‘November Rain’ blow OVER a brace of Jane Fonda’s pants.
TENISHA CROOK & JACK HIGGINS
This is how you do apparent skirts, everyone.
This is not.
PHIL DAVIS & GRETA KERNAN
*extreme appetite moment incoming* You guys. Ok let’s get Greta out of the way (lol actually Greta can you piss off to Timbuktu for me so I can acquire your partner? That’d be abundant thanks) – she looks great. I could go after the red bandage but this is HER colour and she’s banging, and it’s all a able 10 from me, alike if I accord her that cautiously because… I WANT TO BONE HER BOYFRIEND. VERY MUCH SO. THANK YOU. How, how, HOW has Josie, my Editor, #1 Giants fan, not told me about the absolute acidity that is Phil Davis? How? I am so affronted at her appropriate now. I’m audacious at her from my desk, if you charge know. JFC, the eyes, the mo, the hair… I’m deceased. I appetite to lick his face. I appetite to become a low-level stalker and bend in a timberline alfresco his abode watching him sleep… OK I’ve gone too far haven’t I. Apologetic Phil. You’re NOT AN OBJECT YOU’RE A TALENTED MAN. But additionally booty your shirt off.
TIM MEMBREY & EMILY HODGSON
How abundant of a affection is this gal? Considering this red carpeting is 90% Instagram models it is v. auspicious to see addition aloof accomplishing their thing, affected their tatt sleeve and repping a angry wine lip and clover gown. I adulation it. One of my faves.
BRENDON & ROSIE GODDARD
This is all absolutely beautiful and admirable until you see BRENDON’S SHOES, WHAT THE FUCK. Why are you Hugh Hefnering up the red carpeting in pyjama shoes.
GILLON & LAURA MCLACHLAN
I’m in two minds because I anticipate the colour and appearance is abundant actuality but additionally she looks like a filleted angle with the basic still in.
Yep, actuality for it.
Here for this too, alike if that strappy sleeve is a LITTLE “I am bandaging my accept in adherence with my partner, who acutely fell on his in his aftermost game”.
MILLIE JORDAN & TOM JONAS
God I adulation the accustomed bodies who end up on the red carpet, who, like you and I, acquire no abstraction how to affectation and aloof go for the archetypal teapot which like, SAME, because I acquire NFI either Millie. She looks cute, I consistently abhorrence added awe-inspiring accept bows, but she gets a canyon bc she’s not an Insta-famous archetypal and probs best this for herself, the sweetheart.
JACKSON MACRAE & LOUISA MACLEOD
I’m so amused at how these two are both “Mac” people, like their aftermost names I mean. Do you anticipate that was a meet-cute aboriginal date moment? I like to anticipate so. I adulation her dress except for the weird, billowing arduous ancillary panels. WHY. WHY, DESIGNER. Why aching me like this.
EASTON WOOD & TIFFANY SAYERS
These two attending EXCELLENT, the end.
SHAUN & HEIDI HIGGINS
One of my favourite dresses, I adulation it.
ROBBIE & ANNABEL GRAY
She looks like complacent Barbie, I’m actuality for it.
TOUK MILLER & MADDIE LEEK
Wearing what is actually a bells dress with a blind to the Brownlows is a able move, and a abundant way to abduct anybody else’s barrage – abundant like proposing to your accomplice at addition else’s wedding, it has the aroma of acute corruption and you apperceive what, you go with your bad self.
Hmmmmmmmm………. yeah ok.
LACHLAN WELLER & NICOLA HEWITT
I LOVE THIS. Why? I anticipate it’s the apprehension appearance and alike admitting allotment of me feels the annealed ruffles are maybe a bit naff, IDK I’m activity it.
JACK GUNSTON & DANI SHREEVE
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it afresh – absolutely abounding encrusted dresses account acute eczema on their wearer. They attending great, but does attractive abundant accomplish up for a ages of full-body Dermaid application? Does it, Dani?
BRYCE GIBBS & LAUREN TSCHARKE
Anyone who has channelled Barbie is accepting a blooming ablaze from me today, because bluntly my 5 year old cocky is squealing in delight.
The detail actuality is divine, what a dress. She looks amazing. I appetite to be her. I appetite her hair. I’m acquainted this is starting to complete very Silence Of The Lambs.
DAVID & SALLY MUNDY
There’s article absolutely beautiful about the annoyed sleeves and her aerobatics curls and all that shit. IDK, it’s all wholesome and I brainstorm these two own a country farm, and they abound their own strawberries WITHOUT NEEDLES IN THEM and their accouchement run about free-range and appear home for tea aback it gets dark.
Yep, into it.
JUSTIN & REBECCA WESTHOFF
I apperceive it’s abhorrent but all I can see is their massive acme difference, and afresh I anticipation about how they would calmly acquire , and now all I can anticipate is them aggravating to acquire . My academician is trash.
I saw a meme today about how if you like bathrobe in adult undies, no amount what admeasurement you are, you consistently feel like a trussed ham at some point in the evening, and I accompanying a LOT. And I feel like so does Monique bc aback she sits bottomward she will 100/10 get some welts from that fishnet.
BUDDY & JESINTA FRANKLIN
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON THERE BUDDY. You acquire two cockroaches ample out of your nose, booty affliction of that situation. Jesinta is a fox and a bisected as always, but I aloof anticipate she could acquire done bigger than this dress? It’s fine? It’s chichi ofc, but it additionally looks like someone’s Year 10 academy activity but they gave up center and fabricated a scraping-in canyon to advertise it at Craft Day.
JOEL SELWOOD & BRIT DAVIS
That dress looks like asleep bark cells.
See this is what I beggarly by an afflictive attractive preggo gown.
DAYNE BEAMS & KELLY MEEHAN
Someone did a admirable highlighter job on this gal. I’m not so abiding about the calamus boa she’s absorbed to her body, however.
CLAYTON OLIVER & SOPHIE HARMER
Again, you had me at shiny. Am I a bowerbird autograph this with my claws? Yes.
JASON JOHANNISEN & LOGAN SHINE
Stick a angle in me, I’m done.
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